Finally I felt on track again. I'm not even halfway yet, but I'm on my way. I hope no matter how my mood swings I won't detract or retract. Things can always happen but my career can never wait for me even though it would never turn its back on me. 

Tomorrow is going to be a better day. It will be another fight but I will be ready. I am healthy, young and positive.

What Are We Fighting For

Reading about the departure of one of the most amazing men in my time brought tears to my eyes. Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. Thank you for making my world so much more interesting, fun and beautiful. Without your creations, my life can never be vibrant enough. I'm lying here with Steve's Macbook on my lap, and endlessly touched by the words that the press has been publishing about him. 

It is sad yet inspiring how a death of a genius can be. 

He made me stop and look around at all that I am doing now, and question myself whether I am living to my fullest. What am I fighting for? 

Everyone fight for different things. And I believe Steve managed to fight for his cause. It is just unbelievable how life ended early for such a brilliant man who had barely started to enjoy the fruits of his labor. Then again, upon reading his words, it seems that death wasn't the end. Was it? 

Death was the inspiration of life. He said something upon those lines. I just hope that time is on our side. Time was probably tighter for Steven, and I hope it was enough for him. And I pray it is enough for me. 

There are so many things I want to do. At age twenty three, I have reached a phase where dream start becoming a reality, or it falters. I am glad until today I still have time and faith by my side. Time allowed me to walk this world, and faith that I have in my dreams. 

I have reached a phase where I understand that I could choose not to abandon my relationships with my love ones in order to fulfill my dreams.

Stop touching me. 

If you do not feel anything for me, then don't treat me like an object. 

Even if I feel for you, you never had a valid reason. 

 

Single

My life has been hitting rock bottom recently. Everything feels so right but so wrong at the same time I could hardly differentiate between the two extremes. 

I am losing my sanity. Slowly, I am recovering but I still feel insane though it kept me alive. 

Suddenly I decided to break off with Asmui. There is only such faith one could have in a romantic relationship. At least for me. Maybe I don't have enough commitment to carry through any of my relationships. Nine failed relationships could be a good testimony excluding the crap that I'm supposed to have more experience. 

Someone else played the catalyst. Someone who I barely know, who I gladly embrace as a third party, who probably didn't feel more than half of what I feel for him. 

I'm just going through life's daily motions now. It has been a month, and I'm still going through my daily motions without a proper thought. I'm lost and lonely. I'm turning out to be completely different from who I expected myself to be. It was a bitter surprise, and I don't know what to do about it.     

I couldn't be bothered. It's time for me to be bothered. 

I'm waiting for tomorrow. Please bring my feelings back to me. 

Every Step Just Takes Us Higher

Life has an expiry date. So there is no way I am going to let anything bring me down for a single day. Every step just takes me higher. Every mistake and every obstacle may seem to tweak me downhill, but I can only afford to accept it as a booster for my way up.

I tell myself this every morning. 

They call it affirmation. 

I call this self-fucking. Ha...